RonRolheiser,OMI

Spirituality and Steadiness

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Something in us is dissatisfied with the ordinary. There’s something in the ordinary that can have us think that predictable routines, domestic rhythms, and commitment to duty can weigh us down, swallow us up, and anchor us outside the more rewarding waters of passion, romance, creativity, dance, and celebration.

We often vilify the ordinary. I remember a young woman, a student of mine, who shared in class that her greatest fear in life was to succumb to the ordinary, “to end up content, a little housewife and mother, happily doing laundry commercials!”

If you’re an artist or have an artistic temperament, you’re prone to this kind of feeling. That’s one of the propensities of an artist. Doris Lessing, for example, once made the comment that George Eliot could have been a better writer “if she hadn’t been so moral.” What Lessing is suggesting is that Eliot kept herself too anchored in the ordinary, too safe, too secure, too far from the edges.

Kathleen Norris, in her biographical work The Virgin of Bennington, shares how as a young writer she fell victim to this kind of ideology: “Artists, I believed were much too serious to live sane and normal lives. Driven by inexorable forces in an uncaring world, they were destined for an inevitable, sometimes deadly, but always ennobling wrestle with gloom and doom.”

An ennobling wrestle with gloom and doom! That does have a seductive sound to it, particularly for those of us who fancy ourselves as artistic, intellectual, or spiritual. That’s why on a given day any of us can feel a certain condescending pity for those who achieve simple happiness. Easy for them, we think, but they’re selling themselves short! That’s the artist inside of us speaking. You’ve never seen an artist doing a laundry commercial!

Don’t get me wrong. Not all of this is bad. Jesus, himself, said that we do not live by bread alone. No artist needs that explained. He or she knows that safe routine, dram duty, and a mortgage that’s been paid, alone do not necessarily make for heaven. We need bread, but we also need beauty, color, and celebration.

Doris Lessing, who was a great artist, joined the communist party as a young woman but later left it after she’d matured. Why did she leave? One phrase says it all. She left the communist party, she says, “because they didn’t believe in color!”

Life, Jesus assures us, is not meant to be lived in black and white, that is, as simply an endless cycle of rising, showering, going off to work, responsibly doing a job, coming home, having supper, getting things set for the next day, and then going back to bed.

And yet, there is much to be said for that seemingly dram routine. The rhythm of the ordinary is, in the end, the deepest wellspring from which to draw joy and meaning. Kathleen Norris, after telling us about her youthful temptation to side-step the ordinary to engage in the more ennobling battle with gloom and doom, shares how a wonderful mentor, Betty Kray, helped steer her clear of that pitfall. Kray encouraged her to write out of her joy as well as her gloom and to “dismiss the romance of insanity as a sham.” As Norris puts it: “She tried hard to convince me of what her friends who had been institutionalized for madness knew all too well: that the clean simple appreciation of ordinary, daily things is a treasure like none on earth.”

Sometimes a different mentor teaches us this. When we regain our health and energy after having been ill, off work, and out of our normal routines and rhythms, nothing is as sweet as returning to the ordinary – our work, our routine, the normal stuff of everyday life. Only after it has been taken away and then given back, do we realize that the clean, simple appreciation of daily things is the ultimate treasure.

Artists, though, are still partially right. The ordinary can weigh us down, and keep us outside the deeper waters of creativity, of romance, of color, and of the wildness that lets us dance. But, that being admitted, anchors and weight also have a positive function. They keep us from being swept away. They anchor our sanity. They keep us steady. The rhythm of the ordinary is perhaps the most powerful anchor of all to hold us in sanity.

Paul Simon, in a 1970s song entitled, An American Tune, sings about coping with confusion, mistakes, betrayal, and other events that shatter our innocence. And he ends that rather sad ballad quite peacefully with the words: “Still tomorrow’s gonna be another working day, and I’m trying to get some rest. That’s all I’m trying, is to get some rest.”

Obedience to that imperative helps anchor our sanity. There’s much to be said about being a contented, ordinary person, anchored in the rhythms of the ordinary, trying at the end of the workday to get some rest.

When the Bloom Has Left the Rose

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There’s a difference between being in bloom and being fruitful. Take a flower for example.

It begins as a wee bud, hardly noticeable, and eventually in full bloom grows into a beautiful flower. In full bloom it’s very noticeable. This is its optimal moment of beauty, of being admired, of glory. But this isn’t its final purpose nor indeed its fully mature moment. At this point it is not yet fully fruitful, albeit it’s bloom is beautiful, and is giving something special to the world. But it only becomes fully fruitful later, when its bloom has withered as it is dying. That’s when the flower gives off its seed and spreads its seeds for new life.

There’s a life lesson in this which we struggle to understand and accept. We understand the bloom, but not the withering. We accept the bloom, but not the withering. We find it almost impossible to believe that our most life-giving moments might come after the bloom, in the withering of the bloom.

We can see the primal example of this in Jesus. During the peak of his ministry when he is very popular, doing miracles, drawing crowds of thousands, and people are pressing round just to touch him, his ministry is in full bloom. He is fruitful and is already giving life to others, but not nearly in as deep a way as when his ministry withers, when the crowds abandon him, when he is humiliated and scorned in his passion, and when he dies helpless, abandoned by most everyone.

Like a flower, in his dying he spread the seeds for new life in a deeper way than he could when, metaphorically, he was in full bloom.

The renowned mystic John of the Cross employs this metaphor at the heart of his spirituality. He writes: “The deepest center of an object we take to signify the furthest point attainable by that object’s being and power and operation and movement.” For him, unlike how we normally conceive of this, our deepest center is not the virgin spot inside our heart and soul. No. For John of the Cross our deepest center is the furthest point of natural growth (aided by grace) that anything or anybody can reach in this life.

For a flower, as we saw, this is not its bloom, rather it’s when the flower gives off its seed in its withering. The same is true for us as humans; our deepest center is not our bloom, namely, the beauty and energy of our youth. Rather, our deepest center is the fullest maturity our soul can attain in this life, and normally we reach this sometime after our physical bloom has begun to wither. This may sound somewhat morbid, but viewed in a deeper way, it’s anything but that. Allow me an example:

Take our normal human sexual development. What’s its deepest center?

Its deepest center is not its bloom, namely, that time in our lives when our bodies are most attractive and our desire for sexual intercourse is the strongest. Nor is it even after we have given birth to new life through sexual union, albeit that is a wonderful fruitfulness and one of the ultimate intentions of God and nature in creating us as sexual beings. That’s a deep center though not sexuality’s deepest center.

It is not good for the man to be alone! Our sexuality is meant to take us beyond our aloneness. Thus, our sexuality relentlessly drives us outward, beyond ourselves, towards community of life with others. But aloneness is not easy to overcome. We can be very lonely, even while having sex. As a married colleague once shared with me: “What’s lonelier than sleeping alone? Sleeping alone when you’re not sleeping alone.” Also, when we are still developing in our sexuality, sexuality’s spontaneous urge is to possess beauty rather than admire it – and this still leaves us alone.

What takes us beyond our aloneness? Standing before beauty and giving it the pure gaze of admiration. At that moment our ego no longer separates us from union with others, and for that moment we are no longer alone. We have reached our deepest center.

Our deepest center as a sexual person is when we can look at someone else (for example, a child or a grandchild) and give him or her the pure gaze of admiration. It is when we can look at energy and beauty in full bloom and admire and bless them by seeing them as God saw creation at its origins: It’s good! It’s very good!  In the gaze of admiration, we bless creation in the same manner as God blessed Jesus at his baptism with the words: “This is my beloved child in whom I take delight!”

When we are in full bloom we are admired; but we only fully overcome our aloneness when we stand in admiration of the energy and beauty of others and of creation and spontaneously utter words of blessing.

What is Purgatory?

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Most Christian denominations do not believe in purgatory. This is specifically a Roman Catholic belief. And in the popular Catholic mind, purgatory is too often mistakenly conceived of as a place distinct from heaven, a place where you are purified and made ready for heaven.

But purgatory is not a place distinct from heaven and hell. Protestants and Evangelicals are right in pointing out that scripture attests that there are only two states after death, heaven and hell. So how can Roman Catholics postulate a third state, purgatory?

Because purgatory is not a geography, a place distinct from heaven, it’s the pain of being purified by love and the pain of giving up the illusion of self-sufficiency.

Here’s an example of each.

Several years ago, I was counselling a young man who was experiencing an intense pain which was new to him. He had fallen in love with a wonderful young woman and was preparing to marry her. Prior to meeting her, he had been living irresponsibly, been sexually promiscuous, and had been comfortably smug and insensitive in that state. The woman he had fallen in love with was aware of his past but was not throwing this into his face. The opposite. She was loving and forgiving him unconditionally.

 But there was the rub! Being in love with this wonderfully good, generous, and moral person made him see himself in a clearer way. Her love was a prism through which he began to see his own immaturity (which is what unconditional love always does). Her love was a light that gave him new eyesight and what he saw inside himself (his selfishness, his irresponsibility, his smugness) caused him a lot of pain. To his credit, he sought help – confession, spiritual direction, psychological counselling.

Her loving him, purely and unconditionally, caused him the deepest pains he had ever endured. It was his first taste of purgatory.

Here’s a second example: A number of years ago, I attended the funeral of a man who died at the age of ninety. From every indication, he had been a good man, solidly religious, the father of a large family, a man respected in the community, and a man with a generous heart. However, he had also been a strong man, a gifted man, a natural leader, someone to whom a group would naturally look to take the reins and lead. Hence, he held a number of prominent positions in the community. He was a man very much in charge.

One of his sons, a Catholic priest, gave the homily at his funeral. He began with these words: Scripture tells us that the sum of a man’s life is seventy years, eighty for those who are strong. Now our dad lived for ninety years. Why the extra twenty years? Well, it’s no mystery. He was too strong and too much in charge of things to die at seventy or eighty. It took God an extra twenty years to mellow him. And it worked. The last ten years of his life were years of massive diminishment. His wife died, and he never got over that. He had a stroke which put him into assisted living and that was a massive blow to him. Then he spent the last years of his life with others having to help him take care of his basic bodily needs. For a man like him, that was humbling. But it mellowed him.

In those last years, whenever you visited him, he would take your hand and say, “help me.” He hadn’t been able to say those words since he was five years old and able to tie his own shoelaces. By the time he died, he was ready. When he met Jesus and Saint Peter on the other side, I’m sure he simply reached for a hand and said, “help me.”

That’s a parable that speaks deeply and directly about a place we must all eventually come to, either through proactive choice or by submission to circumstance. We all must eventually come to a place where we accept that we are not self-sufficient, that we need help, that we need others, that we need community, that we need grace, that we need God – and the pain we experience in giving up our illusion of self-sufficiency is the pain of purgatory.

Purgatory is not a place, a geography separate from heaven. It’s the pain, metaphorically, of having the grain of wheat fall into the ground and die to come to a new fruitfulness. And it’s the lot of everyone and everything that’s mortal, not just of Roman Catholics.

When we die, unless we have so totally hardened our hearts to reject the embrace of unconditional love itself, God embraces us – fully, affectionately, passionately, and unconditionally. Inside that embrace, to the extent that we are not yet fully saints, we will, like the two men whose story I shared, experience some purgative pain.

Paradoxically, in the ecstasy of embrace comes the agony of purification.